Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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