at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
