He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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