alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
