I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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