dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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