I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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