youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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