That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
