im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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