I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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