i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
