The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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