just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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