dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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