shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
