JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
