just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
