OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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