If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize