He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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