I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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