Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
