just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
