he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
