dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
