Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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