I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
