Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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