I'm going to jail i love you
Nicole vs. Life
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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