Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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