so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
