He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
