Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
