His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
