i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize