My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
