she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
