I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
PANTIES FOUND
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
