so that wasnt chicken after all
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
