The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
