So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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