So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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