I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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