guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
