Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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