So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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