PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
