apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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