I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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