Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
