i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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