can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
