I'm gonna have a badass scar
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
