Is it because I queefed?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
