What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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