he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
