My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
