I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
COCAINE IS GR8
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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