Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
