Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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