tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
