Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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