THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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