I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize