She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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