I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
