glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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