I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
