some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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