You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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