he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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