my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
