i need an iv and a liver transplant
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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