i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
