There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No subtext here. People are naked.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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