Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
