She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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