Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
