Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
