Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
