Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
