Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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