It's like God shit irony all over that family
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
