You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
