Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
