I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
