I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
