In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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