she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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