if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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