we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize