i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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