OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize