There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
