bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
