Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
